Change. More often than not, this simple one syllable word brings so many of us the feeling of fear, worry, and anxiety. We are creatures of habit that yearn for routine and often cling to consistency. Why? Because change equals uncertainty, and uncertainty equals discomfort. As someone who has experienced a significant amount of change and discomfort in the last year, I encourage you all if you’re not already, to begin viewing change in a more positive way. Change is good. We are meant to experience change throughout our lifetime, so lets start embracing it a little more, alright?
Change is the only constant in life. Ones ability to adapt to those changes will determine your success in life. -Benjamin Franklin
I promise you, the moment you learn to enjoy the process of change, is when you will begin to reap all the rewards of change–that is how we grow!
If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living. -Gail Sheehy
As I am quickly approaching my 30th birthday and enjoying the last handful of days left in my twenties, I started to reflect on how much I have changed throughout this last decade. I quickly realized that I spent the majority of my twenties finding myself and learning what I really wanted out of life. At times I definitely struggled. I was fragile, a little insecure, and totally clueless. I spent most of my twenties changing and I can proudly say I have changed for the better, I am not that girl anymore.
This past year, I have transformed more than ever. I took risks and pushed myself more than I ever thought I could. I completely started over in a new city, in a new apartment, and at a new job. If that wasn’t enough, just a few months later, I pushed myself again by hiking close to 80 miles in distance, up to 17,000 feet in altitude for 8 days straight in Peru. I spent my final year in my twenties challenging myself in every way possible–physically, emotionally, and mentally. As difficult as it was, I can’t think of a better way to celebrate the ending of an era and the beginning of a new one.
In celebration of entering a new decade and in no particular order, I thought I would share…
The 30 life lessons I’ve learned by age 30:
1. Laughter is the best medicine
I can’t tell you how much laughing instantly puts me in a better mood. Laughter relaxes the body, boosts the immune system, and releases endorphins. Fun Fact: A study in Norway found that people with a strong sense of humor outlived those who don’t laugh as much. So I guess it’s true, laughter really is the best medicine.
2. Don’t forget to have fun
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in our lives with work and our daily demands, that we forget to take time to have fun. Having fun is just as important as sleeping, eating, and exercising. So make it more of a priority!
3. Do NOT settle
Do not settle for anything less than what you deserve. This goes for relationships, jobs, and where you live. Life is too short, so live your best life!
4. Spend more time outside
I’m lucky to live in sunny San Diego where I can get outside every day. There’s just something about smelling the fresh air, hearing the birds chirp, and feeling the warm sun on my skin that instantly puts me in a better mood. Where ever you live, try to spend more time outside and enjoy what Mother Nature has to offer.
5. It’s ok to still Fu** up
Just because you’re old enough to know better, doesn’t mean you’re perfect. We are all human and continue to make mistakes. Don’t continue repeating the same mistake over and over though. The key is to learn from them.
6. Buy yourself flowers
…Or candles, or books, or chocolate, or whatever floats your boat. I personally love flowers (cough, cough: peonies are my favorite) and I used to feel really funny about buying them for myself. I guess I thought someone needed to buy them for me. If you like something enough, buy it for yourself. Now I buy myself flowers all the time because Loving yourself = Treating yourself.
7. Cook at home
I get it, life can be crazy and hectic and it’s sometimes so much easier to go out to eat or grab a quick take out meal. Eating food that someone else cooked can be nice, but there’s something so satisfying in taking the time to plan your meals, grocery shop, and make yourself a yummy and nourishing meal. Cooking from home takes more time and preparation, but it’s so much healthier for you (and cost effective too)!
8. Be nice & surround yourself with nice people
Be nice to people. Because guess what? It’s not hard. There’s also nothing more unattractive than a person who isn’t nice. Fun Fact: I always gauge my first date with how he treats our waitress/waiter. If you aren’t friendly and don’t leave at least a 20% tip (and the service was good), you better believe you won’t be getting a second date from me.
9. Take care of your body
Exercise, eat right, get enough sleep, and take your vitamins (and if you live in the PNW, take your VITAMIN D supplement). We are only given one body so we better take care of it.
10. The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea.
Sweat- clears your pores of built up grime and releases toxins from your body. Tears- When you let your tears flow without hesitation, the tears relieve some of the pain. Sea- Salt water is proven to help improve your physical health by helping the body fight off diseases as well as improving your skin to help with the circulation in your body. The sea also improves mental health by putting your into a more calm state. So go break a sweat, cry a good cry, and go the beach!
11. Do what you want to do
Advice from your friends and loved ones is great, but at the end of the day you have to make your own decisions. Go to the party or don’t go to the party, the choice is yours. Do what you want to do. Do you boo boo!
12. Most things in life are not permanent
Your situation, your finances, your friends and family, your feelings and emotions are not permanent. And while that may seem like a sad realization, it’s actually been quite a blessing to have learned this. You learn to cherish every single moment, you learn that the difficult times will pass, and you learn to live your life to the fullest.
13. When you’re wrong, say you’re sorry
There’s something so freeing and liberating in admitting your wrong and apologizing for your mistakes. On the flip side, Whenever I receive an apology from someone, I gain so much more respect for them. Admitting your wrong isn’t easy, but don’t let issues linger simply because you are too proud to apologize.
14. Stop comparing yourself
Your journey is in no way, shape, or form identical to anyone else’s journey, so why compare them? Stop comparing yourself to others because you are on completely different paths.
15. Money does not equal happiness
I have learned that my true happiness does not come from things, but instead from people and experiences.
16. Follow your heart & listen to your gut
Read again for emphasis. Every single time I have followed my heart and listened to my gut, I have never been disappointed. This has been my motto for 2019. I followed my heart and listened to my gut when I decided to move to San Diego and I have never been happier. Listen to yourself, you know yourself more than anyone else after all.
17. Work to live, don’t live to work
Work should not dominate your life. Having a work life balance is key.
18. There is no timeline in life
We all do it, especially us girls. To be married by this age, to have kids by this age, to be a be here in my career by this age, etc. All of those things are 100% out of your control. And who’s to say you need to be any of those things by any age? Every single thing that has happened in your life has led you to this point. I believe that anything that is meant for me will not miss me, and that anything that misses me was never meant for me.
19. Buy LED bulbs
Because it’s 2019. Enough said.
20. Get rid of toxic people
This goes for liars, cheaters, thieves, and angry and/or unhappy people. I spent many years trying to reason, understand, and accept people like this. If people change it’ll be because they wanted to change, not because you convinced them. I’ve learned that the best thing to do is get rid of toxic people because their negative habits and/or behaviors will only bring you down.
21. When it’s over, move on
This one is easier said than done. As soon as you realize something is over, accept it, and move on. Dwelling only makes the pain linger.
22. Make your bed every single day
Making your bed in the morning sets your tone for the entire day. About 6 months ago, I watched a commencement speech by the commander of U.S. Special Operations, Naval Admiral William McRaven, at the University of Texas. Ever since I watched his speech, I started making my bed every single day. He said,
If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter.
Also–after a long hard day, is there any better feeling than climbing into a crisp and nicely made bed? I think not. I swear I sleep better because of it.
23. Quality over quantity
I definitely learned this lesson in my twenties. It’s not about how many people are in your life, but more about the quality of the people you surround yourself with. I’ve cut ties with people who I believed were toxic and contributed negatively to my life. (See lesson #20).
24. Patience is a virtue
If you can learn to be patient, things always have a way of working themselves out.
25. Smile more
Did you know that smiling actually makes you happier regardless of the situation? We are normally hardwired to smile only during pleasant situations. When we smile, the brain in turn releases endorphins which lowers stress and improves your overall mood. Smiling more means we are happier!
26. It’s ok if people don’t like you
We all want to be liked, but the matter of the fact is some personalities don’t mesh well with others. The reality is, you won’t like certain people and certain people won’t like you and that’s totally okay.
27. Live in the moment
When you are on the mountain and you climb to the peak, you don’t immediately plan your descent, right? You enjoy the view. Be on the mountain and live in the moment.
28. You are allowed to change
You are not obligated to be the same person you were 5 years ago, 1 year ago, or even yesterday. I have grown and lived and experienced things that have shaped me into the person I am right now. You are allowed to change.
29. Change is good
I’ll say it again. We all want a different outcome and yet most of us don’t want any change in our lives. Change equals uncertainty, and uncertainty equals discomfort, and discomfort isn’t fun. When you learn to enjoy the process of change, you reap all the benefits of change. That is how you grow.
30. Let yourself be happy
The last thing you want to be thinking about when you get to the end of your life is whether you allowed yourself to just be happy or not. Because the simple truth of the matter is this: life is a choice, and so is happiness.
Fast forward to now, I am looking forward to entering my thirties very differently than the person who entered her twenties. I am beginning this new decade as a confident, strong, secure, and refined girl woman who knows now not only what she wants out of life, but more importantly, who she is and what she deserves. I anticipate my thirties to be full of many more life lessons along with several changes, but I look forward to the growth that comes along with it all. So bring it on 30, I am coming for you! #Thirtyflirtyandthriving
xo,
Kyla
Kyla Benson 
One Reply to “”