For those of you that know me, you know that I am a loyal, hard working, strong, and independent woman. I share this not to brag, but because I take serious pride in these traits I withhold.
Unfortunately, the last handful of weeks, I have been a far cry from that woman. In fact, I say with much shame, I’ve spent a lot of time having self loathing, negative, and pessimistic thoughts. I have been nothing but self-sabotaging. Why? Why do we do this to ourselves? I would not talk this way to a friend and I definitely would not allow someone else to talk this way to me. So why in the hell do I find it okay to talk to myself like this?
I think for me, one insecurity turns into a negative thought, and another negative thought, and it snowballs from there. Blame it on the hormones, call it being a self critical girl, a perfectionist, or an over-thinker. Call it what ya want, but I am here to tell you it’s not okay!
I woke up this morning thinking, “enough is enough”. I came across this picture today of baby Kyla and thought “look at this cute little girl, with the world ahead of her, I can’t let her down.” So here I am, working on myself, and getting back to that strong and fierce woman I know I am.
Although I am extremely open with those close to me, it’s really out of my comfort zone to share my personal thoughts & emotions on social media. I decided to take a leap of faith and share because I know there are others who are going through the exact same thing. Maybe reading this will bring you some comfort knowing you aren’t alone.
I also want to hold myself accountable. For those that have read my previous blog posts, you know that I like to set monthly & weekly intentions. The following intentions I plan on doing not just 1 month but for the remainder of 2019.
To help me get back to me, I will:
- Be consistent with making my bed (seems silly but if you have read my previous blog posts, you will know why this is important).
- Start reading my mantras and meditating in the morning again. What better way to start your day than with positive words of affirmation. I also haven’t meditated since April 2018! It’s so hard, but I like the outcome.
- Be more consistent with my workouts.
As Elle Woods says, “exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.”
- Get back to blogging. It’s what I do for fun & it brings me happiness.
- Read. I just ordered 4 new books on amazon and I’m so excited to crack them open. (Let me know if you have any good book recommendations).
- Remind myself every damn night before bed that I am not only beautiful on the outside, but my soul is fucking beautiful, my mind is fucking powerful, and my heart is fucking made of gold. I am a great person, a good daughter/grand-daughter/sister/niece, and an even better friend.
- Self-care Sunday. I miss the Sundays where I would spend the entire day getting my
head right for the upcoming work week. It included: grocery shopping, meal prepping, a long walk with my pup, a candle-lit bubble bath, and a face mask.
“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” –Albert Ellis
What are some things that you do to bring yourself joy, happiness, and self-love? Let me know!
xo
Kyla
Kyla Benson 