I think if there was one thing that my dad instilled from a young age it would be to leave something better than you found it. I always took good care of my toys, left my room tidy/organized, and made sure if I borrowed anything, it would be returned in pristine condition. I can hear my dad now, “Whenever I bought a house, I left it better than when I bought it”. It was true. Every house growing up, he put in the sweat, tears, and hard work. From remodeled kitchens and bathrooms, to fresh paint and new landscape. It wasn’t only for resale value, but it was for the accomplishment of taking care of something. For me, it shows discipline. Like my father, I’ve mastered leaving houses and materialistic things in great condition, but how can I take this a step further?
To be completely transparent, I have been struggling with life. It’s a hard pill to swallow for someone who has been independent, successful, and happy for most of my life with very little effort. This past November, my only brother passed away at 27 years old from fentanyl poisoning. I was devastated. I still am. Three and a half months later, just when I was starting to feel some form of happiness and normalcy again, BOOM! My dad, my papa, my pops, my rock, and the person I trust the most in this world, was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. Just like that, in a matter of four short months, life handed my family and I some pretty shitty cards. It’s easy to dwell in self-pity, but I’m learning that all that does is leave you feeling sad and unhappy. As I sat on my bed in my silent apartment one night, I found myself asking, how can I live life to the fullest? Where I am so happy and fulfilled that I know I will leave this earth better than when I entered. This is the ultimate test and challenge in life.
I spent the last handful of days trying to answer this question for myself. My week entailed hanging out with some girlfriends, to spending quality time with someone one on one, to complete alone time to think in my thoughts. In this time, I realized that in order to really, and I mean really be happy, you can’t look for life to be better through someone else. Yes, friendships, relationships, fun times, and love all make life better, but it’s just the icing on the cake of life. You hear the sayings all the time, “You have to love yourself first in order to be happy”. While I totally agree, I am going to take it a step further and add that you have to relinquish control and completely surrender to life. No one wants to be a controlling person, so why do many of us find ourselves in the position of trying to control everything? For me, the more my life felt like it was spinning out of control, the more I wanted to try and control everything and everyone around me and ironically, this behavior left me feeling completely OUT OF CONTROL.
“Instead of flowing with Existence, we fight it or try to control it. Instead of enjoying life, we keep getting stressed and frustrated. In our efforts to get what we want- and avoid what we don’t- we create conflict with other people and damage our environment. Once we let go of the ego- that is the belief that we’re separate from everyone and everything else- life is much easier. It’s the ego that keeps fighting for survival, creating dramas and making life stressful. Once you let go of it, you’ll discover that you’re more than you ever imagined yourself to be. Life will unfold naturally, with little or no stress. The more you let go, the better things will go.”
-From the book, The Power of Letting Go
So what does it look like to drop the ego so we can flow with life and be the best and happiest versions of ourselves? I know for me personally, it’s going to take a lot more than just acknowledging this. It’s going to take an act of congress. Ok, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but it’s going to take a lot of work. Like anything else, with enough practice and conscious effort, I know I will get there. As a start, every morning and every night I plan on shifting my mindset by reminding myself of these three truths:
- You cannot control what comes next. Living in the present without attaching your happiness to the future is what brings your peace.
- The love you deserve is already within you. Start giving it to yourself.
- You are not your thoughts. You are the observer and manager of your thoughts. You don’t have to believe everything your mind tells you.
No one leaves this earth unscathed from hurt, pain, trauma, or tragedies, but how we handle it is what truly defines us. We can decide to be controlling and bitter or can choose to be understanding and better– I choose the latter. So change your mindset and change your world. 🌎
Kyla Benson 