An Untold Story of a Son’s Wish while Dying from Terminal Cancer
From babies, to children, through the hard teenage years, and even into early adulthood for some, we are taken care of by our parents in every possible way: physically, emotionally, and financially. Parents provide their children with shelter, clothing, food, and more importantly, unconditional love. It’s not until late adulthood, if we are lucky, that the roles become completely flipped. It’s an age old question many of us find ourselves asking, “how can we help care for our aging parents?”
Kerry Donald Benson, age 60 of Salem, Oregon, a loving and concerned son, found himself asking himself this exact question as his senior parents entered their eighties. Kerry D. Benson (Kerry Jr.) was born and raised in Salem Oregon, by his parents, Kerry Sr. and Patricia Benson, now 83 years old of Salem, Oregon (pictured below).
Patricia and Kerry Sr. Benson at NE Salem home
They attended South Salem High School in the mid 1950’s and started dating as teenagers. Kerry Sr. recalls asking his wife out on a date 68 years ago in the South Salem High School parking lot, “On October 21st, 1955, we went out on our first date to the drive-in on Pat’s 15th Birthday and we have been together ever since”. The couple wed on July 10th, 1957 and have been married for over 66 years. They have 3 children, 9 grand children, and 9 great grandchildren.
Kerry Benson on leave from the Navy, married Patricia on 7/10/1957
Back in September 1968, Kerry and Patricia bought their home in NE Salem and raised their 3 children in that house. As the years went by, Kerry and Patricia’s kids started having kids and the Benson family home on 21st street became the hub for countless birthdays, Thanksgiving dinners, Easter brunches, and excitement filled Christmas mornings. Several special family gatherings were spent under that roof, 52 and a half years worth of memories to be exact.
Kerry & Pat’s house on 21st Street in NE Salem, Oregon
“That house felt like a second home–not merely due to the house itself, but the feeling you felt the moment you walked in the door. Grandma and Grandpa’s love for all who entered was present, but nothing was more evident than how much they cherish their family–every gathering without fail, you’d catch one of them say in pure admiration looking around at the crowded family room, “we made this.”
-Kelsey Mangan, Granddaughter
Pat & Kerry Benson outside their home of over 52 years in NE Salem
While it was such a great childhood home full of great memories for Kerry Jr. and his two younger sisters (Kyra Dammarell and Kim Morrow of Salem, OR), Kerry Jr. was witnessing his parents age and he worried about the safety and upkeep of his parent’s 1940’s home, including the maintenance of the massive and pristine backyard that Kerry and Pat meticulously kept up and the dangerous multi-level concrete stairs throughout.
Kerry Jr. would brainstorm over and over on how he was going to get his parent’s out of the home before an accident could occur. He soon realized that there was an open lot, not for sale, directly next to his house located in South Salem. After a long, drawn out, and not so easy mission, Kerry Jr. was able to purchase the lot next to his. “My brother was elated that he came up with a solution and was able to help our parents. I remember him excitedly telling me, “Mom and Dad will be living right next door!” recalls Kim Morrow, Kerry Jr.’s younger sister. It appeared to be a win win situation.
Shortly after purchasing, they broke ground and a beautiful, but more importantly, a safe home was built for Kerry and Pat to reside in. The home includes a ground level master bedroom/bathroom and a ground level laundry room. Upstairs there are 2 bedrooms, a bath, an additional kitchen option area along with additional hookups for a washer and dryer. My brother explained to me “The house is set up for a caretaker to live up there if mom and dad need that down the road”, recalls Kyra Dammarell, Kerry Jr.’s youngest sister. While Kerry and Pat were apprehensive about selling their fully paid off home and somewhat sad about leaving 52 and a half years worth of memories, the excitement of making new memories living next door to their son, made up for it.
Fast forward to November 2020, the couple moved into their new home next to their son. Just a few short weeks after the move, Kerry Jr.’s 27 year old son, suddenly passed away. Three months later, as the Benson family was still grieving and trying to process the tragic and senseless loss, Kerry Jr., was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer and on August 4th, 2021, Kerry lost his battle. As Kerry Jr.’s daughter, Kyla recalls the events, her eyes begin to tear up.
“My dad lost his son and my grandparents lost their grandson. 3 months after losing my brother, my father, was diagnosed with a terminal cancer. I get emotional about the absolutely devastating time it was to live through, not just for me, but for my entire family. Just 5 months after being diagnosed, we lost my dad to the ugly and disgusting disease. Within 8 months, my family lost my 27 year old brother and my 60 year old dad. My grandparents buried their grandson and shortly after, buried their son– something that no grandparent or parent should ever have to do. “
-Kyla Benson
It’s been a rough couple of years for the Benson family with grieving, coping, and trying to heal from the unfathomable deaths that took place. Through all of this, 83 year old Patricia battled breast cancer.
Even through all the sadness and tragedy, as you step foot into Kerry and Patricia’s house, you are immediately flooded with a sense of love and the feeling of home. Pictures of family, including several photos of their son and grandson, fill the walls and frames throughout the house. Kerry Jr. had a strong love and fascination for hummingbirds. Hummingbird feeders line the house in the backyard and the back window is covered in hummingbird decals.
Kerry Sr. says, “We planted two dogwood trees out back. One for our son and one for our grandson”. Teary eyed Patricia adds, “Our son designed and built this house. He lived and passed away next door and we feel his presence here. This house is the last thing that ties us to our son and it makes us feel closer to him.”
Kerry Jr. built a house next to his for his parents, unbeknownst to him that he would pass before them. Just days after finding out he was dying of a terminal cancer, Kerry Jr. sought legal counsel and created a Trust for his family as well as a lifetime rental agreement for his parents signed by his wife, ensuring that Kerry and Patricia would be taken care of as they continued to age. His dying wish was for his elderly parents to have a safe home for the remainder of their lives. Kerry Jr.’s wife was made the Settlor and Trustee of the family Trust and she promised her husband that she would continue to fulfill his wishes after he passed.
“These past few years have been so difficult, but I felt a little sense of relief knowing my dad is looking down on us, content, knowing his wish was being fulfilled”, adds Kyla.
Fast forward to now.
It’s been a little over two years since Kerry Jr. has passed. Since his passing, Kerry Jr.’s former wife, a local realtor in town and ironically, using the Benson family name in her real estate business, has sold the home next door to his parents, a house he owned prior to his marriage with her. With the profits and equity from her husband’s home, plus his pension, and a hefty sum of inheritance, Kerry Jr.’s prior wife has since purchased a luxury home at the prestigious Illahe Hills Estates, an additional beach house on the Oregon coast, and land for a future custom home build located at Detroit Lake; funds that were meant to keep his parents in their current home. In addition to the multiple real estate purchases, Kerry’s former wife is already engaged to be wed to someone new. Just three days before Christmas, the former wife texted Kerry and Pat informing them that she will be selling their home within the next month. While she gets ready to jet set off to Maui to be remarried, Kerry and Patricia Benson are left devastated.
“I wouldn’t normally care what people do with their money, however, I am invested due to the financial family obligations and promises with my parents that are being completely broken”, explains Kim Morrow. “We felt this was the best way to share our story and get our message out, as well as inform our friends and extended family”, explains Kyra Dammarell.
Unfortunately, after multiple attempts of family members requesting official legal copies of the family Trust, the former wife refuses to divulge any documents. Finding out that they will soon be without a home, just three days before Christmas, 83 year old Kerry and Patricia have been forced to seek legal counsel.
Several tears have been shed, hearts are breaking, and promises have clearly been shattered. Kyla leaves with a warning, “Please choose very wisely on who your friends are and who do you business with.”
A Go Fund Me account has been created for Kerry and Pat to help with legal expenses.
“Thank you for your donations, prayers, and love during this extremely stressful and difficult holiday season, we truly appreciate it.”
-The Benson Family
Kerry Jr. and daughter, KylaKerry Jr. and mother, PatriciaKerry Jr. and father, Kerry Sr.From Left to Right: Kerry Jr., Pat (Mother), and (Sisters) Kyra and Kim
In Loving Memory of Kerry Jr. and Kerry Brendon Benson (KB3)
I would like to start off by thanking everyone who showed up today to celebrate my dad. Before I honor him, I would like to share a message I received from one of my dad’s chemo nurses. “Hi Kyla, my name is Bethany and I hope I’m not taking this too far and acting unprofessional when I write this, but I was one of your dad’s treatment nurses in Salem. I was his nurse the first and second treatments and I always tried to chat with him every time I had a chance to. I wish I had better words other than I’m so sorry for what you and your family are going through with your dad’s cancer. I’m so sorry the chemo didn’t work as it was hoped to and for that, I feel awful because I know it must’ve been so frustrating and agonizing to seemingly have lost so much time to a chemo that was unsuccessful. Your dad is a patient that I will always remember because of how kind and easy going he is. I don’t often connect with patients like I did with your dad but sometimes when we are the nurses who give the first round of treatment, we form a bit of a special bond with our patients. We had some great chats about music, movies, and cars during his treatments and I will genuinely miss that. It’s been a true honor to be one of his nurses and I don’t say that often. My patients feel like family to me and your dad truly does as well.”
I think this and the amount of people that showed up here today to honor him, speaks volumes to the type of person my father was.
Today I would not only like to talk about what my father meant to me, but I will also talk about the 5 things that really defined who he was: the love he had for his friends + family, football, hot rods, hummingbirds, and Rock N’ Roll.
When I found out my dad was ill and that my time with him was limited, I decided I would ask my dad questions and write his responses in a journal. A journal that I will cherish for the rest of my life and I look forward to sharing some of his responses with all of you today.
My dad had the biggest heart with so much love for his friends and family. I truly believe this stemmed from his upbringing. My dad credited his parents, Kerry and Patricia Benson. When asking him about his childhood and relationships my dad said, “I never had a girlfriend really growing up. I was too much of a rebel for most girls, but I wanted what my parents had.” And aside from the admiration my dad had for my grandparents, my dad was a protective big brother. I can recall the countless times my brother and I would bicker and fight growing up and my dad would always tell us that we are blood and that we needed to look out for each other. And while I know he loved to tease his younger sisters, that’s exactly what he did…he was that protective big brother. As my dad and his younger sisters, Kim and Kyra got married, and starting having children and families of their own, my dad said on several occasions, “I really like my brother in laws. I got really lucky with them” when referring to my uncles Joe Morrow and Cary Dammarrell.
There’s family and then there are friends which are the family you choose. One of the many things I admired about my dad was the lifelong friendships that he had. A few weeks before my dad passed, I was laying with him on his bed he wanted me to know all the nicknames of his childhood friends that I have known all of my life. He said, “Kyla write this down. Jeff Kilgore was known as ‘Kill Dog’, then John Elwood became ‘El Dog’, Wade Dental was ‘Wade the Suede’ and Pat Albin was ‘Albin head’.” My dad’s friendships didn’t end with his childhood friends. It was so amazing to watch him form special bonds with his coworkers at the state like Jody, Julie, Jim, and of course Michele, who he said started out as my “work wife” but became more like a sister and my best friend over the years.
Today I am wearing one of my dad’s old Oregon shirts. I can’t express enough how cool it is to look around and see everyone sporting his favorite teams. My dad would have really loved this. To say my dad was a big 49er and Oregon Duck football fan, would be a severe understatement. In fact, I think the first curse word I ever heard as a little girl came from my father during a football game where the 49ers were clearly losing and I am pretty sure it was followed with the tv being shut off for the remainder of the game. But in all seriousness, my dad was passionate about the sport. He got Oregon duck football season tickets back in 1999 when I was just 10 years old. Some of my fondest memories growing up involved tailgating, going to games, and celebrating our victories. To be honest, I can’t really imagine ever watching a football game without him. I don’t think it will ever be the same.
Every little girl sees their dad as a superhero. While some dads wear tool belts and some carry fishing poles. My dad raced hot rods. In 1995, when I was just 6 years old my dad bought his famous 1966 red El Camino. While most of mine and my brother’s favorite childhood memories consisted of my dad driving us around in his hot rod while we screamed “Faster Faster” as he revved his engine and floored it on a back road, my dad’s love for cars began far before my brother and I were even born. One question I asked my dad was- When you look back on your childhood, what stands out? His response was, “the smell of classic cars”. Another question I asked my dad was recall a time he got in the most trouble and what happened? I was expecting one of his many mischievous childhood stories involving Steve Skewis or Jeff Kilgore, but his response surprised me. He said, “My first car was a 65 Chevelle. I was on my way to school at 17 years old. At an intersection, I spun my tires to get through, when I hit second gear, I lost control and the car spun out of control and made the car stall. A cop happened to be sitting two cars back. He ticketed me for a parked car facing the wrong way, the car was towed for $300, the cop arrested me and tried charging me with reckless driving, but I retained an attorney and got it dropped to careless driving. I was put in a jumpsuit and spent 2 hours in jail before grandma bailed me out.” He said, “I was like Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.”
Most of you here, probably know that my dad had a huge fascination with hummingbirds. From his weekly feedings to his hummingbird tattoos, there’s no doubt the love my dad had for these little birds. When my dad was sick, he told me that he didn’t know if there would be a way to send me a message someday, but if there was that it would be in the form of a hummingbird. After my dad passed, I looked up the meaning of a hummingbird and, ironically, this is what I found:
When a hummingbird is visiting you, it brings good news. If you passed through difficult times, the hummingbird tells you that it’s over. Also, if the tiny bird visits you after someone’s death, it means that you will heal. The hummingbird represents a reminder to follow your dreams without letting obstacles stop you.
The symbolism for a hummingbird couldn’t be any more fitting. I hope that everyone here can find peace + comfort the next time a hummingbird pays you a visit and that you too will be reminded of my dad.
Lastly, I don’t think I could stand up here and not mention the love my dad had for music. My dad told me, “Music has always been a huge part of my life. The first record I bought was Led Zepplin, I was 12 and it was for sale for $2 in a used record bin. I had a cheap record player and the only record I had was Neil Young that someone bought me. Led Zepplin was kick ass rock n’ roll and Led Zepplin still sounds as good to me as it did when I was 12 years old.” As a kid I can’t think of a time where my dad wasn’t jamming to his music. I can recall time after time when music would be blaring from the speakers in our basement of my childhood home. From a very young age, I can remember my dad quizzing me time and time again when a song was playing, because you know, any child of his better know the difference between the Beatles, The Eagles, INXS, and Tom Petty. As I got older, and we moved, my dad’s car with upgraded stereo systems became the place where he could blast his music. He enjoyed sharing new songs and especially loved to attend live concerts from some of his favorite bands, like The Ty Curtis Band, Black Keys, Black Pistol Fire, Kings of Leon, Little Hurricane, and the Revivalists to name a few. He loved music so much it was represented in art all over his body with his tattoos.
We all feel very cheated to have lost an amazing man so soon. While I will miss him every single day for the rest of my life, I find comfort in knowing that he lived a good life. He told me, “Kyla, I am blessed with my life. I always had a job. I feel like I have been blessed way more than I have been cursed.”
I got a tattoo of a humming bird and the words “Keep Going- love you pops” in my dad’s hand writing. “Keep going” is a song by one of my dad’s favorite bands, The Revivalists and I would like to end with playing this song for you all.
Papa, I will always love you and in the words of the Revivalists- “I’m never gonna lose you, I’ve got you deep inside my chest and I can feel you beating like the soul of a drummer boy.” Love your little girl. Thank you.
I think if there was one thing that my dad instilled from a young age it would be to leave something better than you found it. I always took good care of my toys, left my room tidy/organized, and made sure if I borrowed anything, it would be returned in pristine condition. I can hear my dad now, “Whenever I bought a house, I left it better than when I bought it”. It was true. Every house growing up, he put in the sweat, tears, and hard work. From remodeled kitchens and bathrooms, to fresh paint and new landscape. It wasn’t only for resale value, but it was for the accomplishment of taking care of something. For me, it shows discipline. Like my father, I’ve mastered leaving houses and materialistic things in great condition, but how can I take this a step further?
The last few days, I have been getting back in the groove of working out again and pulled out some of my old recipes. I love smoothies after a good workout. Here’s one of my faves!
Blueberry + Banana Protein Smoothie Recipe:
Handful of ice
1/2 banana
About a 1/3 cup of frozen blueberries
1 scoop of vanilla protein powder
1 spoonful of flaxseeds
1 spoonful of raw almond butter
Big splash of unsweetened almond milk
Blend + Enjoy
*Fun Fact: Flaxseeds are a staple in all of my smoothie recipes because they are high in fiber so they help with digestion. Flaxseeds have also been linked to lowering blood pressure, controlling blood sugar, and improving cholesterol.
I am a cardiac sonographer—which is a fancy and official way of saying I use ultrasound to look at the structure and function of people’s hearts. While most people associate ultrasound with pictures of babies, I’m the one getting pictures of your grandpa’s heart muscle before & after his coronary bypass or taking a look at your aunt’s heart valves because her doctor heard a loud murmur.
And although I love what I do, I mean getting to peek into people’s hearts every single day is pretty damn cool, I would say that it’s actually not my favorite part of my job…
From a young age, I kinda always knew I would go into the medical field because I liked helping people. When I decided to pursue Echocardiography in college, my mom told me that she knew I would do something to work with the elderly. I was that weird kid that would sit criss-cross applesauce in front of my great grandpa and grandma and listen. I loved hearing how life was so different “back then”. I enjoyed listening to their stories and how they loved each other even when my great grandpa was off at war (he would write my great grandma love letters). I was fascinated with the world and how different it was so many years before my existence.
One of the questions I enjoy asking couples when they come in for their Echo is “how did you meet?” I love seeing my patient’s eyes light up as they get to talk about their love and go back in time. Sadly with COVID, patients aren’t allowed any visitors. Not asking my patient’s these kinds of questions, the stress associated with this pandemic, wearing masks, or maybe it was my own personal struggles, I felt like I wasn’t really bonding with my patients like I once had.
Until recently…
I met Frank (we will call him Frank for privacy purposes) who gave me that spark and reminded me of why I do what I do. He was a 90 something year old man. As I walked into his room, a massive smile came across his face and he said, “Do I get to go on a date with you?” With big grin hidden underneath my COVID mask, I quickly responded “You sure do. We are having an Echo date.” We both chuckled and I knew that we were going to get along. The next hour flew by. He shared stories of his time in the Navy 75 years ago and how he worked on the USS Midway. By the end of the exam, he insisted that when COVID was over, I must tour the ship just for him. I agreed and I plan on sticking to that promise.
So what’s my favorite part of my job? It’s the connections I make with my patients. It’s the connections I make with all my patients, not just the elderly (although, the elderly have a special place in my heart). It’s also that 40 something year old mom that comes in with breast cancer and talks to you about how scared she is, but by the end of the test she’s gratefully saying, “thank you so much for putting me at ease.”
Being in the medical field, there are difficult moments and hard things you witness, but also hidden in there are moments that make the challenging times, hard work, and long days worth it.
I walked out of Frank’s room happy not only because I knew I contributed to making his day better, but because he too helped make my day a little better. This past year has been the roughest time for me in my life thus far, but I am so grateful for patients like Frank that give me my purpose and remind me why I get up every morning, come into work, and perform my job! I hope this can be a good reminder for everyone this week to put intention and purpose behind everything you do. ♥️
For those that know me, know that I am a big believer in drinking lemon water every single morning on an empty stomach. I try to drink up to two 16-ounce glasses of water (with half a lemon squeezed into each) just after waking up, then give my liver at least a half an hour to clean up before eating breakfast. Why you ask? Keep reading to find out…
For those of you that don’t know who I am, my name is Kyla and I am Kerry’s older sister. Thank you all for being here today. I know he would have been happy to know that all of you are here to honor his life.
When I was four years old, Little Kerry came into this world. I was way too young at that time to realize, but my life would be forever changed. I loved having a brother more than anything. Growing up, I was such a protective big sister. Even when I was annoyed that my little brother was following me around, or running along side of us on our bikes because he hadn’t quite learned how to ride his, I was still always looking out for him.
Kerry had the most nicknames out of any kid I knew. He was the messiest and grubbiest little kid. Running around still in a diaper trying to get ahold of any tasty snack, “Cheeto” became his first nickname. I think that derived from the orange Cheeto residue fingers he always had. After “Cheeto”, came “Dee-Dee boy”, shortly abbreviated to “Deeds”, to “brown bear” from his tanned summer skin, to his most recent adult nickname, the one that stuck, “KB3”.
When the officiant, Allison, asked me if I could come up with one thing that my brother was passionate about, I quickly answered “movies”. My brother loved movies. All kinds of movies: scary movies, action movies, dramas, and especially comedies. His love of movies started at a very young age. Kerry’s childhood room had a couch, blankets, a VCR, a couple opened boxes of CheezIts stashed, and I’m pretty sure every single Disney VHS tape ever made. Kerry’s older brother, Steven, and I would always watch movies in his room.
One of our favorite childhood movies was “Homeward Bound”. For those of you that haven’t seen this movie, first of all it’s a must see, so please watch it. It’s about 3 animals (2 dogs and a cat) that embark on a long trek through the wilderness in a quest to reach home and their beloved owners. As imaginative children, Steven, Kerry, and I would pretend we were the animals. Steven was “Shadow”, the wise old golden retriever, I was “Sassy”, the hilarious and mouthy Himalayan cat, and Kerry was “Chance”, the fun-loving and free spirited American bulldog pup. Now that I look back as an adult, it wasn’t as imaginative as I once believed. I think we all fit those roles pretty well. Just a few days before my brother passed, he agreed to watch our once favorited childhood movie with me and I feel very lucky to have experienced watching this with him one last time.
I wanted to share a more recent story about my brother. Even though my dad might not be overly thrilled with me sharing, I’m going to anyways. The day after Thanksgiving of last year, our family decided to go out for a steak dinner. I’m not exactly sure why we thought after stuffing our faces with a turkey, we should stuff our face with a cow the very next day, but we did. My dad ordered a prime rib and on his very first bite the piece of steak became lodged in his throat. My brother and I were at the end of the table in deep conversation. I heard a little piggy squealing noise, I looked at the end of the table to see my dad standing red faced with drool coming out of this mouth. Being in the medical field, I knew immediately that my dad was choking. I ran up behind him and with great technique attempted to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him. With my dad being bigger than me, I wasn’t able to get a lot of force behind my attempt. Before I knew it, my brother was standing right next to me, without even flinching and with HORRIBLE technique, but great force, Kerry squeezed my dad as hard as he could. With a few cracked ribs, out came the piece of steak. We sat back down, but I was still so stressed and worked up over it all, I ordered a strong drink. I’ll never forget it, my brother lightly kicked me under the table and as I looked up he had a big grin on his face and calmly said “hey, let’s get some jackets made labeled ‘Holiday Heroes’ on the back”. I laughed and my stress quickly dissipated. For the remainder of my time in town, Kerry teased my dad, making comments about needing to puree his food. My brother had a way of making light of any situation and putting everyone at ease. I’m really going to miss that about him.
Speaking of steak, I have one last funny story to share. Four years ago our family went to Hawaii to celebrate my grandparents 59th wedding anniversary. My brother, my grandparents, and I all went to a nice steak restaurant. As we went around, we all placed steak orders, except my brother. Kerry decided to order fish tacos. We were all excited as our delicious steaks were presented before us. Kerry, however, looked at the wimpy tacos and his face screamed disappointment. As we were all finishing up our dinners, my brother pulled the server aside and said “hey, i’ll take one of these filet mignons with all the sides and fixings To-Go.” We were all in disbelief, the waiter included, that someone would order a steak let alone a second meal to go. We went back to our hotel room and my brother polished off dinner number two. My brother always made me laugh when it came to food. I am pretty confident I will never know anyone else to order sixty dollars worth of tacos through the Taco Bell drive-thru, and then look at me and say, “Hey, did you want anything?”
Lastly, I don’t think I can stand in front of you all and not at least mention, Pete. For those of you that really know my brother, you also know Pete. Pete was my brother’s most beloved pet. Pete was an all black floppy cat that adopted us and from the time Pete became part of our family, he slept with my brother every single night. He loved that cat. Yesterday, I decided to take a little walk, listen to some music, and get some fresh air. I wasn’t even a block away from the house, I looked up from messing with my phone and lo and behold an all black cat ran right in front of me. I don’t think that was a coincidence. I can’t help but be reminded of my brother whenever I see a cat that looks like Pete. My hope for everyone standing here today, is that whenever you see an all black cat, you too will be reminded of my brother.
Kerry, my dad, and I were the three amigos. You were my laughing buddy and you were our dad’s best friend. My brother had the biggest heart and although we all feel Kerry was taken far too soon from this world, I know that he lived a beautiful life and has changed so many lives for the better. I will miss my little brother every single day for the rest of my life, but I feel so incredibly lucky to have shared such amazing memories with him.
I would like to close with a quote from Chance, from our favorite childhood movie ‘Homeward Bound’. It goes…
“I had learned that sacrifice, friendship and love were more than just the mushy stuff. At last, for the first time in my life, I was home.” -Chance
You’re at your forever home now Kerry. I’ll always love you little brother. Until we meet again…
Happy last day of Leo season! August is my birthday month so it’s inevitably one of my favorite months of the year. Last year for my 30th Birthday I posted a blog looking back on the 30 Life Lessons Learned by Age 30 . Last years post was a reflection on the lessons learned thus far.
Thirty-one, however, looks a little different for me. This year is all about maintaining my happiness and health while continuing to flourish and grow. Instead of reflecting on the past, I wanted to create a post with something that can inspire me to be a better version of myself, something that my thirty-two year old self will thank me for later. So in light of turning another year older and another year wiser, I decided to make a blog post on the importance of practicing a concept that will help not only me, but others be more successful in all areas of life.
Whether it is a successful relationship, marriage, career, or one’s fitness/health, I started to think what is it that makes a person successful? Although I can agree that there are several factors and layers to being successful, I couldn’t help but going back to a concept that plays a very important role with every area of success…
Balancing Logic with Emotion
Let’s talk about this.
Logic by definition is: reason or sound judgment, as in utterances or actions.
Emotionby definition is: an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness. Any of the feelings of joy, sorrow, fear, hate, love, etc.
The principles that make someone successful are the same. Successful people, powerful people understand how to use logic and emotion together. They take the right actions because they know how to actually direct their emotion to where they want it to go. So how can we apply this to everyday life? What does this look like? This means not being a slave to our emotions. It means not waking up each day the mercy of whatever emotion comes into our mind that day. This concept isn’t about removing emotion, but understanding how to control your emotions as your power. Emotions are not only necessary and essential, but they are the greatest driver we will ever have in life–so let’s learn to master them.
Balancing logic with emotion will be a strong tool to use in every area of my life. For the next year, my goal is to not allow emotion to dictate everything. The next time I want to react based on what I am feeling, I plan on using a little more logic–that little voice in my head that’s telling me what I should be doing to get the result I want! All action comes from emotion. The only difference between people is some people know how to manage their emotion to make it work for them and other people work for their emotions. You have to decide which one of those two people you want to be…
Nestled in the foothills of Southeastern California’s Mojave Desert, 134 miles from the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles and 157 miles from the busy beaches of San Diego, lies a perfect and peaceful getaway in Joshua Tree, California. Joshua Tree homes a national park, unique shops, and several quaint restaurants. Whether you are looking for the ultimate adventure or to completely disconnect, you’ve come to the right place! The magic of the desert’s serene beauty will leave you asking yourself “when can I come back?”
For those of you that know me, you know that I am a loyal, hard working, strong, and independent woman. I share this not to brag, but because I take serious pride in these traits I withhold.
Unfortunately, the last handful of weeks, I have been a far cry from that woman. In fact, I say with much shame, I’ve spent a lot of time having self loathing, negative, and pessimistic thoughts. I have been nothing but self-sabotaging. Why? Why do we do this to ourselves? I would not talk this way to a friend and I definitely would not allow someone else to talk this way to me. So why in the hell do I find it okay to talk to myself like this?
I think for me, one insecurity turns into a negative thought, and another negative thought, and it snowballs from there. Blame it on the hormones, call it being a self critical girl, a perfectionist, or an over-thinker. Call it what ya want, but I am here to tell you it’s not okay!
I woke up this morning thinking, “enough is enough”. I came across this picture today of baby Kyla and thought “look at this cute little girl, with the world ahead of her, I can’t let her down.” So here I am, working on myself, and getting back to that strong and fierce woman I know I am.
Although I am extremely open with those close to me, it’s really out of my comfort zone to share my personal thoughts & emotions on social media. I decided to take a leap of faith and share because I know there are others who are going through the exact same thing. Maybe reading this will bring you some comfort knowing you aren’t alone.
I also want to hold myself accountable. For those that have read my previous blog posts, you know that I like to set monthly & weekly intentions. The following intentions I plan on doing not just 1 month but for the remainder of 2019.
Kyla Benson 