A strong woman’s intuition always comes through…
I wanted to say thank you to those that reached out to me and gave their support on my last blog post. It was a post written in a letter format to someone that I am sure will never read it, but it’s my voice and my way of taking my power back. Some of you wanted to know more details. I didn’t want to share the entire experience because honestly, the whole thing is embarrassing. Like you literally can’t make this sh** up kind of embarrassing.
After much thought, I decided to tell my full story here. Maybe I am just stubborn and want to speak out since he tried to silence my voice. But mostly, I want to stay true to myself—someone who is brave, honest, and real. And If it can help someone else in the process, then all the better. And for those they know me, healing has always come in the form of writing for me.
I dated this person very briefly (only for 2+ weeks). We went on a total of 5 dates, but it turned into an experience that I will never forget. It left me confused and shaken.
It started out very intense and exciting. We had so much in common—religion, politics, hobbies, food, etc. He was so attentive and charming. On our first date he told me how beautiful I am. I felt seen by him. By the end of the date, he said it was the best first date he’d ever been on. I agreed–the conversation flowed, it felt easy and comfortable.
By the second date he made comments about how he told his parents about me, he couldn’t wait for me to see his property, meet his neighbors, etc. I was excited. I thought I really connected with someone. But things were already beginning to escalate way too quickly…
Towards the end of our second date, He wanted to know how many sexual partners I’ve had. Taken aback, I replied, “I don’t know, less than x amount” (But I did know and it was less than the number I gave). I figured it was technically true and it was better to keep it vague. I was conflicted about sharing personal information so soon but also not wanting to appear like I had something to hide. I watched his face almost analyze my answer. I felt like maybe he was hoping I was a virgin. I had to hear how his ex girlfriend that he broke up with in September was a virgin after all. Ironically, he never divulged his number so it felt much more like interrogation/judgement and less about curiosity and getting to know each other. He then told me I should be tested for STI’s, when I furrowed my eyebrows, he said, “well we should do it for eachother”. Again, this was date number two. It felt weird. Knowing what I know now, I fully believe he has trying to set up a system of sleeping with multiple girls at once, but safely of course. Like he’s some MAC Daddy player. Barf!
The day after our second date, he called me to see if I would come out to my driveway, he was in my neighborhood and wanted me to meet his dog. When I came out, he opened his car door, grabbed me by my waist, and passionately kissed me.
What happened next I didn’t see coming…
He exposed himself to me unsolicited as he sat in his driver seat. I was clearly uncomfortable. As he held my waist, I kept looking down at his feet. I tried changing the subject by asking him what was on his shins. “I don’t know, I have eczema” he said, quickly bringing the attention back to his penis that was still pulled out from the side of his basketball shorts. I finally said, “What are you doing? Put that away. My neighbors are in their house over there.” He did. I was wearing a high neck work out top and as I began to pull away from him, he tugged down my shirt to reveal my cleavage in my sports bra.
At this point we had only been on two dates and had only kissed. He left. Again, I felt weird. Euphoric from kissing someone that I thought I maybe liked, but I had a deep aching pit in the bottom of my stomach for what I just experienced…
After he left, I minimized it at first. Trying to rationalize it by texting him quickly after, flirty—like that would make it better, like it would mean it was okay. I wondered if I was overthinking or overreacting, maybe he was insecure I told myself. I brushed it off as he is just really into me. I am learning that these reactions were trauma responses, freeze then fawn (people please).
When he exposed himself again on our fifth and final date, my brain couldn’t ignore it…
Things felt off on the last date in ways more than another penis exposure. I felt like he was lying. He showed up late to my house with 3 daffodil flowers. He kissed me and I could taste and smell the alcohol on his breath. I asked him if he got the flowers out of my yard. His response, “No, yours aren’t even bloomed yet”. I confirmed the following day that he lied—they were pulled from my yard. He said he was at his guy friends house the night before and that they had a little too much to drink and he lost his phone (it fell from a tractor) and he had to go to the Verizon store in the morning for a new one. I asked to see the new phone sensing his deception (taking mental note that his phone didn’t look new at all). He even stepped out on my patio at one point to ‘take a leak’, but I suspected he was making a phone call.
As the night progressed, I was onto him, sniffing out his bullshit, like a bloodhound sniffs out its game. And he could sense it. The more questions I asked, the flirty he got. Kissing me, smacking my ass, telling me how beautiful my eyes are and how good my hair looked. As if I was some dumb blonde desperate for his attention and affection, that I wouldn’t notice his deception.
Every time I was around him, I never fully felt safe. One of the last things my dad ever told me was I have really good intuition. And he’s right, I do. I just chose to not listen to it.
I’ll spare you the details of what happened at the end of the night. Intimacy was attempted, but by the grace of God, it didn’t happen. I believe wholeheartedly that it was a spiritual battle of his demons vs. my guardian angels and the good prevailed.
Three days later he abruptly ended things. He told me something felt off that night. All I could think was, (yeah you’re lying—that’s what feels off, but I didn’t say that). Again, he denied my accusations, dismissed me, and needed to go to bed.
The next day I was blocked on Instagram and he texted saying he needed space.
Feeling uneasy about everything, days later I sent a text saying “A strong women’s intuition always comes through”. He immediately got defensive and blocked me. I could sense that he was scared about what I possibly knew.
The irony of it all, I just wanted honesty, transparency, and openness–what I had been providing him all along. But how ridiculous of me to expect respect for someone that is incapable of providing basic human decency and who lies about something as small as flowers. I called him Friday from a blocked number and then from my work phone on Monday. Monday he answered in a rage, without even letting me speak, and told me he was calling the cops. Click. He hung up.
My 40-year-old male coworker sitting with me started laughing and said “What? No grown ass man would call the cops over something like that.” He didn’t think he would actually call the cops, but I guess he didn’t realize we weren’t dealing with a grown man, but with Lord Farquaad himself.
Because, he did…
I received a call the following day from an officer regarding ‘telehareassment’. I was honest and explained everything that happened. I could hear the annoyance in the cops voice that he had to call someone over two phone calls, something so ridiculous. His response to me was actually caring, “Stay away from that loser.”
As my brain fog started to dissipate, the more I leaned in to my intuition, the clearer it became of what happened to me. It also helps living in a small town where word gets back to you pretty quickly…
And it did. My intuition was spot on.
He was hiding a girl. I discovered the day he spent an elaborate Valentine’s Day date with her, was the exact same day he sent me a message on the dating app, Hinge. While peering through photos, what did I come across? 3 Daffodil flowers in one of her photos. Yuck! Someone was telling me that cheaters like to repeat their patterns so they don’t confuse what they do with which girl. I felt disgusted.
The girl, significantly younger (over a decade younger than him), is pretty and career focused. I noticed relatively quickly that she appears to be overly hyper-sexual and performative. Like she’s putting on a show for him. While I won’t divulge on here, I found some pretty disturbing videos. Is this what they mean when they refer to grooming? I felt like I was watching something straight out of the Epstein files.
Later I saw her post something about choosing a man that’s a provider. It took everything out of me to not reply, “The only thing he’s providing you with are his lies and cheap talk, sis.” But I refrained. It’s not my journey. She’s young and it will be a tough lesson for her to learn.
I kept asking myself how did I even get involved in something like this? I felt like I was in a scene of a movie, but not the romantic comedy genre I am searching for, but more like a terrifying horror film.
As for me, I am back in therapy. I spent two years in therapy after my brother and dad died–processing loss and grief. This time around, I am in therapy for me. To be so in tune and so aligned that I will see right through anyone’s psychological mind games. My therapist explained that predators sometimes expose themselves as a way to test you or a way to assert their dominance and control. I see the truth now and I have my answers. And while this whole experience was brief, it was very troubling, but it forced me to confront something uncomfortable: how easy it is to downplay behavior that crosses clear boundaries.
Ultimately, I feel relieved. Like I dodged a bullet and escaped danger from someone severely unsafe, manipulative, and emotionally abusive. Moving forward, I’m learning to trust my intuition again. And you best believe in the future, I’ll be sprinting away (as fast as I can) at the first sign of a pink flag.
I just want to remind others to trust their instincts. If something feels off, it probably is. You don’t owe anyone the benefit of the doubt at the expense of your own emotional, spiritual, physical, or psychological safety.
From now on I am promising to listen to my intuition.
Because a strong woman’s intuition always comes through…