A strong woman’s intuition always comes through…
I wanted to say thank you to those that reached out to me and gave their support on my recent blog post (Read HERE). It was a post written in a letter format to someone that I am sure will never read it, but it’s my voice and my way of taking my power back. I originally didn’t want to share the entire experience because honestly, the whole thing is unbelievable (as my friend says, “you literally can’t make this sh*t up”). But I decided to tell my full story here. I want to stay true to myself—someone who is brave, honest, and real. And if it can help someone else in the process, then all the better. And for those that know me, my healing has always come in the form of writing.
I dated this person very briefly. We went on a total of five dates, but it turned into an experience that I will never forget. It left me confused and shaken.
It started out very intense and exciting. We had so much in common: religion, politics, hobbies, food. He was attentive and charming. On our first date he told me how beautiful I am. I felt seen by him. By the end of the date, he said it was the best first date he’d ever been on. I agreed. Our conversation flowed. It felt easy and comfortable.
By the second date he made comments about how he told his parents about me, he couldn’t wait for me to see his property and meet his neighbors. I was excited. I thought I really connected with someone.
But things were already beginning to escalate way too quickly…
Towards the end of our second date, he wanted to know how many sexual partners I’ve had. Taken aback, I replied, “I don’t know, less than X amount.” But I did know and it was significantly less than the number I gave. I figured it was technically true and it was better to keep it vague. I was conflicted about sharing personal information so soon, but also not wanting to appear like I had something to hide. I watched his face analyze my answer. Ironically, he never divulged his number so it felt much more like interrogation/judgement and less about curiosity and getting to know each other. He then told me I should be tested for STI’s, when I furrowed my eyebrows, he said, “Well, we should do it for each other.” Again, this was date number two. It felt weird. Knowing what I know now, I fully believe he has trying to set up a system of sleeping with multiple girls at once, but safely so he wouldn’t get caught of course.
The day after our second date he called me to see if I would come out to my driveway. He was in my neighborhood and wanted me to meet his dog. When I came out, he opened his truck door, grabbed me by my waist, and passionately kissed me.
What happened next I didn’t see coming…
He exposed himself to me unsolicited as he sat in his driver seat. I was clearly uncomfortable. As he held my waist, I kept looking down at his feet. I tried changing the attention by asking him what was on his shins. “I don’t know, I have eczema” he said, quickly bringing the attention back to his penis that was still pulled out from the side of his basketball shorts. I finally said, “What are you doing? Put that away. My neighbors are in their house over there.” He did. I was wearing a high neck work out top and as I began to pull away from him, he tugged down my shirt to reveal my cleavage in my sports bra.
At this point we had only been on two dates and had only kissed. He left. Again, I felt weird. Euphoric from kissing someone that I thought I maybe liked, but I had a deep aching pit in the bottom of my stomach for what I just experienced…
After he left, I minimized it at first. Trying to rationalize it by texting him quickly after all flirty– like that would make it better, like it might mean it was all okay. I was trying to justify it all. I wondered if I was overthinking or overreacting. I brushed it off as he is just really into me and that he was just insecure. I learned that these reactions were trauma responses: freezing and fawning (people please). At the time I didn’t know, but I would later learn that predators sometimes expose themselves as a way to test your boundaries or a way to assert their dominance and control.
What I did know, was when he exposed himself again on our fifth and final date, my brain couldn’t ignore it anymore…
Things felt off on our last date in more ways than another unsolicited penis exposure. I felt like he was lying. He showed up to my house late with 3 daffodil flowers. He kissed me and I could taste and smell the alcohol on his breath. I asked him if he got the flowers out of my yard. His response, “No, yours aren’t even bloomed yet.” I confirmed the following day that he lied and that they were indeed pulled from my own yard. He said he was at his guy friends house the night before, they had a little too much to drink, and he lost his phone. I asked to see the new phone sensing his deception all while taking mental note that his phone didn’t look new at all. He even stepped out on my patio at one point to ‘take a leak’, but I suspected he was making a phone call.
As the night progressed, I was onto him. I was sniffing out his bullshit like a bloodhound sniffs out its game. And he could sense it. The more questions I asked, the flirtier he got: kissing me, smacking my ass, telling me how beautiful my eyes are and how good my hair looked. As if I was just some dumb blonde desperate for his attention and affection that I wouldn’t notice his deception.
Every time I was around him, I never fully felt safe. One of the last things my dad ever told me was I have really good intuition. And he’s right. I do. I just chose to not listen to it, at least not yet…
I’ll spare you the details of what happened at the end of the night other than he attempted to ‘score’ with me. I believe wholeheartedly that it was a spiritual battle of his demons vs. my guardian angels and the good prevailed.
Three days later he abruptly ended things. He told me something felt off that night. All I could think was “yeah, you’re lying, that’s what feels off”, but I didn’t say that. He knew I was catching on and I was becoming too much of a liability.
The next day I was blocked on Instagram, and he texted me saying “I just need some space.”
Days later I sent a text saying, “A strong women’s intuition always comes through.” He immediately got defensive and blocked me. I could sense that he was scared about what I possibly knew.
The irony of it all, I just wanted honesty, transparency, and openness, everything that I had been providing him all along. But how ridiculous of me to expect respect for someone that is incapable of providing basic human decency and who lies about something as small as flowers.
Feeling completely uneasy about his behavior, I called him Friday from a blocked number and then from my work phone on Monday. Monday he answered in a rage and without even letting me speak he told me he was calling the cops and reporting me. Click. He hung up.
My 40-year-old male coworker sitting with me started laughing and said “What? No grown ass man would call the cops over something like that.” He didn’t think he would actually go through with it. I guess he didn’t realize we weren’t dealing with a grown man, but with Lord Farquaad himself.
Because he did.
I received a call the following day from an officer regarding ‘teleharassment’. I could hear the annoyance in the cop’s voice that he had to call someone over something so ridiculous. I was honest and explained everything that happened. The officer actually seemed understanding and his response was, “Stay away from that loser.”
As my brain fog started to dissipate, the more I leaned into my intuition and the clearer it all became. It also doesn’t hurt living in a small town where word gets back to you pretty quickly…
And it did. My intuition was spot on.
He was hiding a young (over a decade younger), 25-year-old, overly hyper-sexual, performative, and self-declared ‘gold digger’ girl. I won’t divulge on here, but I found some pretty disturbing videos. I watched her put on a show for him. Is this what they mean when they refer to grooming? I feel like I was watching something straight out of the Epstein files.
I kept asking myself how did I even get involved in something like this? Like this can’t be my life. I felt like I was in a scene from a movie and not a sweet romantic comedy that I’d hope for.
Even though this whole experience was brief, it was troubling. It did however, force me to confront something uncomfortable: how easy it is to downplay behavior that crosses clear boundaries.
As of now, I feel relieved. I know the truth, I got my answers, and I feel empowered that I didn’t let a weak, deceitful, and lustful man successfully manipulate me. Ultimately, I dodged a massive bullet and escaped danger from someone severely unsafe and emotionally abusive.
Moving forward, I’m learning to really trust my intuition again. And you best believe in the future I’ll be sprinting away as fast as I can at the first sign of even a pink flag. Now I feel so in tune and so aligned that I will see right through anyone’s psychological mind games.
Through this whole experience, I want to encourage or remind Women to:
1. Be financially independent. Become educated and financially successful so you don’t settle for anything less than you deserve. A true masculine provider man will provide more than his wallet. Honesty and emotional safety are worth far more than any paycheck.
2. Trust your instincts. Or listen to your gut as they say. If something feels off, it probably is. You don’t owe anyone the benefit of the doubt at the expense of your own emotional, spiritual, physical, or psychological safety.
From here on out, I made a promise to myself to listen to my intuition from the very beginning
because thankfully…
A strong woman’s intuition always comes through!